I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
