M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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