whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
