i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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