I want to stick my p in your. b.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
