i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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