Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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