Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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