dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
