I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
