would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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