Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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