if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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