i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
