She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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