i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
