I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
