I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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