my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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