nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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