Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
