He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
