guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
