Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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