she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
