it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
