so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
