I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
