i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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