Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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