I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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