wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
