Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize