Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
