Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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