Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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