its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
