Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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