every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
