Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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