STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
