I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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