my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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