Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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