The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
