Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
