even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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