it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
