I'm gonna have a badass scar
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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