mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had sex on a roof
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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