just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
