What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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