Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
