Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
