I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
