I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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