Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
