Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
