yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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