Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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