I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
