Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
