she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
