I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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