just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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