I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
