and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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