saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
